When your ADHD partner behaves the way they do, it is really hard to stay neutral and accept that their brain is different from yours and they may never meet your expectations. Instead, the non-ADHD partner tends to either externalize or internalize the frustration.
The externalizers can form some one-up & one-down dynamics with their ADHD partners, like:
The Victim vs. the Villain
The Parent vs. the Child
The Doctor/ Savior vs. the Identified Patient
The Scapegoater vs. the Scapegoat
The internalizers make themselves the problem. They tend to collapse, depress, withdraw, or self-isolate.
Does any of these sound familiar to you?