The Lawyer vs. The Judge: When Couples Argue to Win Instead of Connect

Some couples fight like they’re in a courtroom—one takes the role of the Lawyer, armed with logic and evidence, while the other plays the Judge, critiquing and evaluating. This conflict style often develops from childhood protective parts, reinforced by attachment dynamics and the nervous system’s response to stress.

In this video, I explore how these battles play out, the role of self- and co-regulation, and share a real-life couple’s story that shows how partners can shift from proving who’s right to building trust and connection.